Sticking to the Point

Downtown

Sunday morning I had my monthly appointment to give acupuncture in the city. I look forward to these appointments with T; an old friend in a lovely apartment in a great neighborhood, a chance to get into Manhattan on a regular basis. Many of my photo walks have been as I head downtown from Penn Station to T's home and I have my favorite stops along the way.

This past Sunday I had a different journey planned. In desperate need of acupuncture needles after a strange damaged box arrived Friday,

I left our suburban oasis early, planning a stop at Kamwo Pharmacy before my scheduled appointment.

I reminisce as I exit the subway station on Prince Street. Kate's Paperie, Balthazar, Savoy and a photo shoot, all these images and memories enter my conscience as I walk through NoHo into Chinatown. 

I notice graffiti art from an earlier visit to SoHo, I find these paper men further North.

Stopping to take pictures, the only early risers are Chinese and they stare and chatter to one another as I stop and shoot. I sometimes feel self-conscious taking photos, anxious that I'm intruding.

It feels good to be in Chinatown again. I walk along Mott Street, silently observing the markets. Fish, vegetables and herbs, men outside watching, cigarettes dangling from their lips, a long ash threatening to drop where they stand. On the corner, a silver cart stands. Warm, sticky rice wrapped in lotus leaves sits stacked on the thin metal counter beckoning.

Wistfully I imagine our life if we hadn't left the city. The trips to different neighborhoods on a whim, not carefully planned jaunts based on a train schedule, a trip made once in awhile instead of our routine.

Across the street I see an herbal pharmacy. Paper sheets line the glass-toped counters, the Chinese herb scale suspended, measuring qians.*

I cross the street to look at the bins of raw herbs. Beyond the basic knowledge of the individual herbs, (category, channel, taste and two functions),  sight identification was part of our basic training in acupuncture school.** Thirty minutes on the clock and a brown bag. Inside, 10 small bags of herbs. If you've ever seen a bundle of Chinese raw herbs, you'll recall that it looks as though a handful has been scooped from your garden, twigs, leaves and berries.

I was good at identifying herbs. Really good. And it was with a heavy heart that I stood before the herb bins at the Chinese pharmacy, recognizing herbs but drawing a blank on anything resembling identification. It was only once inside Kamwo, where the glass containers are labeled in pinyin, that I could say yes, that's right.

I'm planning on participating in this project, I'm almost done with my 101. On my list there are line items related to re-learning the Chinese herbal portion of my education. I know the information is in the vault (aka my brain), I just need to remember where I left it. And once I'm back in herbal mode, I plan to incorporate more herbal medicine into my practice.

I've become lazy. I don't prescribe herbs as much as  I could or should. Patient compliance is slim and patent formulas (ie: pills) are easier. But I'm done with easy. I want to provide. I want my patients to have access to good, clean medicinals without side-effects. I want to walk into Chinatown and know those herbs again. I want to rattle off the functions and know the formulas where they'd appear. I want to be that practioner, I know I'm that practioner and not the one settling for good enough.

*A traditional Chinese weight unit. In modern China the qian is equal to 0.1 liang, or exactly 5 grams 0.1764 ounces.)

**There is no license for herbalists, national certification only. Our knowledge and skill, our herbal remedies are recognized by the FDA as supplemental medicine. The same as Centra and One-a-Day brand vitamins. Because of little regulation, beautiful herbs with amazing healing properties, have been abused (think ephedra, known in the Chinese Materia Medica as ma huang) and then banned due to misuse.

Work(ing) on it

I've talked a lot lately about my office. About not being offered a new, year long lease and how we're now operating month to month. Looming is the possibility of being asked to leave with 90 days notice. My knee jerk reaction would be to clear out and find another space. Preemptive. Cautious.

But then I look around my office. I gaze at the photos I've been publishing here and I listen. Listen to the voice saying not yet. Because right now, this office space is right. It's been right since the first day I saw the blue-printed plans. And it will continue to be right for me until the day the 90 day option is acted upon. Instead of pulling my typical response of hiding my head in the sand, simultaneously avoiding and plotting, I'm choosing to say what will happen. I know this much is true.

Right now what works for me and my business, is staying in my current digs. Realizing my vision of fifteen consistent patients a week, making enough money so that when the 90 days are opted, I'm ready to leave. And knowing that I will find my perfect space in that 90 day time frame, because I am where I should be. Today.

I know more than I knew before

I share my office with an alternative healer whose speciality is different, but our work is symbiotic. When we decided to share an office, everything fell into place. The days I wanted weren't the days she needed. We use the same equipment and work with our patients in a similar manner; speaking first and then treatment on the massage table. Picking out furniture was fast and fun and the result is a warm, inviting space that feels safe.

I work 3 1/2 days and it's the perfect balance for me. Anymore time at work and I'd run the risk of burn-out or worse, ambivalence. I love my work because I know my boundaries. That said, my 3 1/2 days are inconsistently full. I loathe to market myself and I've ridden on the coat tails of the wellness center where my office is located for the past 2 years.

And it's been a good run. The story of my life. The center just celebrated its second anniversary and with that, a regular clientele. The same people come for yoga, they schedule appointments for massage and facials, most everyone has picked up my brochure sitting next to the elevator.

Individuals seeking acupuncture do so for a specific purpose. You come for your issue, hopefully not always a guarantee, you'll get better, and then you'll move on. There's a constant flow, patients finish treatment and new faces, and this is that marketing part I suck at, stream in. This is where I am, today. Four regulars have finished and there aren't any new faces in their place. My inconsistently full practice has suddenly become not full at all.

I question my intentions towards my business lately, I believe that my practice is what I make of it. When I watched The Secret, my intention was focused on my practice. I knew what I wanted financially and how many patients I want to see each week. I was clear.

But maybe I wasn't. As I reflect on the last few months, my day-to-day has been about everything but work. I've found a love of being creative again, I've been exercising consistently, I've been nurturing another part of me that obviously needed nurturing and more.

I've been avoiding the larger issue of my workplace with a wait and see attitude. Change is in the air with the owner wanting out and taking on a new partner. The new partner is more gym, less spa-oriented, and she's officially in charge beginning June 1st. The new owner also needs more space to become more gym-oriented and there have been casual conversations amongst the employees playing different scenarios.

This coincides with our office lease expiring and in a casual conversation with the old owner who still collects the rent, I'm informed that our new lease becomes month-to-month with a 90 day opt out. And 90 days isn't a lot of time to find new space, even if nothing happens right now. We aren't offered any longevity, a year lease is too much of a commitment for the owners to make with us, I think even if it's not the next 90 days, it will happen eventually.

Because of my business, I could perhaps, negotiate a way for me to stay. Acupuncture works nicely in a private gym setting, especially the one I envision they'll put together with yoga, pilates and massage. But I'm not certain that would be what I want.

Those wishes I focused on back when I watched The Secret had a lot to do with how I saw my practice evolving in the future. And part of those wishes talked about my workspace and not being where I currently am. What I wished for, I'm not sure it can be. The office I want to share with a friend, is probably not available to share. And I don't want to ask, because I don't want to hear no. The asking will be liberating I suppose, whatever the outcome. I still feel as though I have options. Just as I waited for my current office space to present itself, I know the right situation will become available.

Serendipitious as life is, my stay at home mama status changes in September when A enters first grade. I'm starting this book on June 1st and the irony isn't lost that it's the day the new owner takes her place. The timing actually, couldn't be better. I'm clear and know my morning pages will become a welcome exercise to find my answers.