Sticking to the Point

Wellness Wednesday :: the seven deadly sins - workout edition

Because I'm all about lists lately and I'm on a trajectory with a healthier lifestyle.

1. Lust. There are times when I lust for material things that have no bearing on life. The desperate unrealistic want for something I don't have, my proverbial carrot. I want a consistent, dedicated workout partner, someone with similar goals. I want a personal trainer three times a week. The ability to hire outside food delivery would be fantastic; a few, healthful meals a week would rule. I want the extra money to buy cute workout clothes. I have cute workout clothes, but sometimes I want a selection of workout gear from the likes of  Lululemon, Hard Tail and Athleta.
2. Gluttony. As in, always hungry. My friend L likes to challenge me with change your life programs and I always take her bait. This time, I agreed to follow the 12 week Body for Life plan with the caveat, that I would not be following the diet.*  Realizing I need to workout more than the barely maintaining my weight three times a week routine I'd followed for years, something clicked with this program. On the heels of working out diligently is a fierce kind of hunger that's impossible to satiate.**
3. Greed. At first working out six days a week felt a little self-indulgent. Something has to give and so far, it hasn't been my sleep. This week miss A is off school for spring break, so it's evenings at the gym. M kept trying to convince me to watch The Last Waltz last night, I realize that I haven't been around so much.
4. Sloth. There is the desire, especially when the routine has to change and I have to go to the gym in the early AM or evening, to skip a day. Especially in the beginning. Now it feels more like a part of my day, something that I do without talking myself into it or bargaining.
5. Wrath. It's been six weeks and I see the tiniest of changes. I know it takes time for your body to adjust, usually six to eight weeks, but throwing a little bone one pack abs would be nice my way now and again would really boost the moral. I'm just sayin'.
6. Envy. Strong, well-defined shoulders.
7. Pride. Most days, I'm so proud of myself and I have a renewed sense of optimism in my life. Working out keeps the darkies at bay and it's really so empowering. I haven't been committed to myself like this, in forever. And the best part is being able to listen to my body. I know when I need to take a break because I'm tired, or I've binged on sugar (as I still do).  I don't throw in the towel. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It just needs to be.

* structured, disciplined eating plans don't work for me. all i see is RESTRICTION. DENIAL. eventually i will binge and in a big, bad way. better for me to watch portion and mostly make good choices. moderation baby.

**this week is passover and being observant, i've noticed that i'm not so hungry all the time. i don't replace with kosher for passover foods, i just don't eat it. the obvious difference is the absence of simple carbs and processed baked deliciousness.

Wellness Wednesday :: together

We always said zero to one in the kid department and for a long time, the former was our answer. We had a sweet, rent-stabilized apartment, we traveled and we got to know one another. We were solid.

Since miss A has arrived, we've had too little time together, just us. M's family has passed and he's an only. My small-ish family is all located on the west coast, so anytime we're without our kid, it's a paid gig.

I don't know about you, but when we're paying a sitter, the stakes are high. It's only recently, that M has agreed to use sitters for movie dates. His feeling is if we're paying, we might as well make the most of it. Booze and a good meal that someone else is responsible for preparing and then cleaning, is his idea of a night on the town. For the record, I like that sort of date as well, it would be my first choice.  But I'm determined to see movies this year after my dismal read zero attendance record for last year's movie/Oscar nominations.

Anyway.

It was with little expectation that we drove to La Jolla when we were out in California. 24 hours together. Alone.

 

Balboa Park, neighbor to the world famous zoo is a cluster of small museums. Our main destination was MOPA and the photo booths. Two booths, together. One is old school wood veneer with curved edges and a red curtain to remove the outside world.

And there's her sister; a modern booth, vintage by today's standards. Both models delivered nice black and white strippies, I could have stayed all afternoon.

Before heading back, we stop at Starbucks for caffeination,

and indulgent TV watching mid-afternoon.

A delicious Mexican restaurant across the road from our hotel.  No drinking and driving, don't we look responsible?

Before our drive back the next morning, we walked down to Wind and Sea beach to catch another glimpse of the crashing surf and take in the salt air.

Wellness Wednesday :: wordless

   

Wellness Wednesday :: when the chips are down

This post contains too much information, proceed with caution.

What's this on my ass? I wonder,  gently touching my suddenly, sensitive hiney. I head to our only full-length mirror and drop drawer.  

Nestled next to the crack, thankfully above the bung hole, I spy three, small blister-like eruptions, next to red welts;  a small road map of skin that felt scorched. Burned.

Because it was Saturday night, I found it necessary to include poor M in the inspection, I needed a second opinion.*

Monday morning the dermatologist confirmed my suspicion: shingles.

Inside my ass crack.

Albeit,  the area is small and well-protected. Because there's limited exposure, I'm less likely to infect someone;  a concern since M can't remember if he's had chickenpox.  A high dosage of Valtrex, combined with medicated cream should provide relief.

I also saw my acu-friend C,  who prescribed nasty herbs and jacked my booty up with an acupuncture technique called surround the dragon. She also used e-stim, the theory being that electrical current stimulates the dermatomes, minimizing the postherpetic pain that can linger. 

First it was Pityriasis Rosea and now shingles.

I've taken more medication in the past month than I have in years.

All things considered, I'm lucky, even if I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself.

Please let this be the last of it.

*Not a good idea, considering the mister's ability to minimize any and all of my ailments.

Wellness Wednesday :: Rachel's seeds

Rachel has a great, weekly project going on called Saturday Seeds. If it weren't for demon cramps this past Sunday, I would have been at her wish tree ceremony. Instead, I have to settle on looking through her flickr photos with longing and a little drool, (those cupcakes).

Seed no.2 was a check-in with a check-up. Taking care of our bodies by scheduling over-do appointments with dentist and doctors, moving your body with exercise and good food choices.

I'd mentioned before the holidays that I was on a new regime. I was working out and I was eating better. I didn't mention that I was also stuffing my face with treats and cocktails, it was the season after all.

I wasn't prepared to get sick for 10 days at the end of the year. I'm quite certain the weight gain would have persisted, it might not have been as high had I been able to work out, but that's a moot point really.

The truth is, the new year found me stuffing myself into my "heavy" pants and feeling lethargic and weighed down.

Everyday is a new opportunity, and rather than let myself succumb to defeat, accept the extra pounds and buy new, "heavy" pants, I re-focused.

I've taken more medication in the past month than I have in years. First it was the vague virus that derailed my new exercise habit. Killer antibiotics often do a number below the border, Diflucan took care of that.

This week I visited the dermatologist for what I thought was eczema. Instead I'm 3% of the affected that has a recurrence of pityriasis rosea, probably a result (again) of the vague virus.

Through it all, I've been motivated to take care of myself and haven't fallen off track or let myself feel derailed, even if I've had too many sweets or cocktails.

Commitment and follow-through. So far each week, as I process my motto for 2008, I find new ways to commit to myself. New ways to understand what these two words mean for me, how I will refine my lifestyle to make them significant.

While I was away

While I was away, we had dinner parties and sleep-overs, Frosty Fun camp for A, gifting us time each afternoon, to decompress at home.

We've reorganized and we've also done a lot of purging, with more to come in the immediate future. It feels good to rid ourselves of clutter.

While I was away, I knit a scarf for miss A, the same yarn as a recently knit scarf for myself. She insisted on wearing it today (it's bitter cold here), even though it's a little scratchy.

While I was away, I had an artist date. My favorite part of working through the Artist's Way, are the artist dates. I love to plan what each week will bring. Looking through vintage black and white photos and finding a few for future collages. A trip to the bookstore. A walking tour. It's a treat to myself for the hard work that comes with working through the book.

Last Friday, I had plans to meet Susanna in the city for an afternoon of photo-taking and walking our favorite neighborhoods. I arrived in the city earlier than our meet-up with the intention of having my artist date. (That's the thing about these dates, they are meant to be spent alone.)

Arriving at Penn Station, I quickly headed east to avoid the massive crowds in Herald Square and to venture into a part of mid-town I rarely visit: the Indian shops along Lexington Avenue. Roaming in and out of the little shops, I loved looking at the colorful spices in bins and sweet treats behind glass counter tops. Small clusters of men standing outside speaking in lilting voices, there's a community feeling to the neighborhood, often lost in the sprawling metropolis. I wasn't in a buying mood, rather I chose to look around, keeping my camera tucked away for later.

I wandered downtown to Union Square, our meeting place. On Friday's, there's a weekly farmers market. I plant myself next to a sign, incognito behind my sunglasses and a hot cup of tea, observing the stream of people passing by. It was exhilerating really, to just stop and watch, a lovely way to drink my tea, instead of sitting inside an over-crowded cafe.

Susanna and I had a plan to roam the East Village and Soho before heading uptown to 5th Avenue and the holiday window displays. We visited Susanna's favorite store, John Derian, where I boldly snuck photos of the magic inside.

We ended up in Soho, visiting this store, again sneaking photos, I especially like the second one.

Little Italy,

the New Museum,

and wonderful street art, my heart singing with each found image.

 

Wellness Wednesday :: impromptu

I began The Artist's Way a few weeks ago. Working with a friend close (I think she's still in) and one far, I had a rough start initially. The journal I'd chosen wasn't working and I kept forgetting to work my morning pages, not having connected, it didn't occur to me a couple of days that I was supposed to be writing.

I'm grateful that the weekly exercises don't include a weekly walk. With my bum, bursitis-ridden foot, walking isn't on the allowed list of physical activity.

With cold weather bombarding the Northeast, M suggested I grab my camera last Thursday evening because our world was covered in ice. Frozen droplets sparkling in the street lights, I took an impromptu artist date with my camera.

As I've worked my way through the exercises each week, I find myself reminding that I don't have an artistic mission and I'm comfortable with that. When I worked Finding Water, I had no intention and it lead me to a love of photography.

Much later, I realized I'd talked myself into believing that I'm not working anything out, that I'm open and clear in this process. Maybe instead of working through a writer's block, or hoping to complete a body of work, this process for me, will be about removing my road blocks and obstacles.

Talking to a friend this evening, she remarked that I've labeled myself as non-productive and yet, she described me as someone who accomplishes much and that it's almost always creative. Huh.

I've got a duality that I'd like to see wed. As passionate as I am about my life's work (and I love being an acupuncturist), I think I can say, it's not my passion. My passion is something creative. Maybe it's dabbling in a little of everything that interests me. Because I'm not making my livelihood as an artist, I don't have to define. Stifled and supressed for years after I left design, I was unable to recognize my creative self as an important aspect of who I am, unwilling to allow any of that in my life, now that it wasn't my job.

Maybe becoming a mother, gave me that freedom.  (It's incredible to write that, so sure was I  that I wouldn't mother.) Defining myself as a mama is enough. Artistically I can be whomever I want to be, because my role is clearly defined.

Wellness Wednesday :: dead ends

I'm trying to make the life I want, instead of letting my life make me. I'm trying to eat better (be damned, sugar binges) and I'm trying to love the regular gym thing I've got going. I'm showing up to do the work.

Less appealing, but equally (if not more) important, is the internal stuff; who do I want to be. Specifically, how do I represent and who will I share my time with.

Since I began blogging, I've been introduced to creative, brilliant and lovely women, many that I'm lucky enough to call friend. Equally, there have been blogging relationships where I've given of myself too readily; hoping for a connection, I give too much importance to those new friendships. Needy.  I think because I'm solitary for large portions of my day, everyday, I've looked to the internet for friendship, especially since my experiences in the past 10 years of being online, have been so positive.

I'm trying to have my blog reflect more of who I am today, and I'm cleaning house. I've got a new banner and I'm going to change around my blog roll. I feel guilty for wanting to clean it up, yet I've been clamoring to do so for months.  Sometimes removing someone hurts feelings and I haven't wanted to do that. It's silly really, this need to make everyone (virtually) happy.  I've thought about doing away with the blog roll, especially now that I'm using bloglines. But I like linking new friends and old, I like to be able to click around on links from my site and I know of one blogging friend who likes to click from my roll, so it stays.

I want to get back to posting content for myself, not for comments. I allow myself to get caught up and suddenly its become too important; not the creative outlet it was intended for.

Fluid

Ir seems like I've been planning a letting go ritual forever, but inclement weather and an increasingly busy work schedule (hurray!),  put this idea on the back burner until last week.

A while back, I read a moving post by Liz Elayne that seemed to give voice to why I wanted this moment. To unlease the redundant, worn-out tracks I allow to repeatedly control my thoughts and actions.

I gathered my leaves in Manhattan one Sunday morning, as I traipsed across Central Park, on my way to CPR training. Later, I carefully inked my intentions onto the crackling surface. I'd decided on Sharpie ink instead of something less permanent, washable. The leaves had already fallen; my words gave the leaves a new life with my permanently marked desires.

There's a small creek running through our town. I decided this would be the perfect setting for my leaves, to bubble along in the current, moving.

I went to the park where I had direct access to the creek, near a mini waterfall. (do you like my new waist purse/pack? me too, especially the daisies next to the polka dots...)

Kneeling on a low wall, I read each leaf before its release; carefully sounding the words with intention and focus.

The ritual was over quickly. I'd expected to linger, imagining a need to savor the moment. Instead I looked into the water for my leaves, wanting to watch, noticing only their absence in the frothy little fall. I tried to remember my words, wanting to relish what I'd set free. I couldn't recall what I'd written; my words had already gathered momentum as they floated away.

Wellness Wednesday :: taking care of business

About mid-October I began to really take a look at myself and I didn't like what I saw. My skin was a mess. I'd gained weight and I'd stopped exercising. Wallowing in self-pity, it took until the end of October and a ridiculous binge on Halloween candy, for me to make a commitment to change.

I began to eat better. I changed my eating habits so that I wouldn't have to torture myself with dieting any longer. Because I've been injured and not skating, I joined a gym, rehabing my injuries and working to get back into shape. I researched skin care lines, finding one that works best with my combination skin.

I threw out old makeup and I went through my closet, cleaning out items that no longer fit or suit me. I made a commitment to make regular waxing appointments and to dye my hair.

Nothing on the outside will shine if the interior is dusty. I began to work on myself, whittling away at the crap cluttering my brain, so I could discover my core desires. By being honest with myself, I'm becoming clear with what I want in my relationships, both professionally and personally.

I've begun the Artists' Way with a friend far and a friend near. I want to realize my creativity and see where it takes me. I want to embrace the artistic side of me that I've let lie dormant for years. When I worked the Finding Water book, I discovered a love of photography. I'm curious and excited by the possibilities that this journey will discover.

I am impatient and struggle with frustration out of a desire for quick results. Any worthwhile change comes slowly - I didn't get to this point overnight, sometimes it's hard to remember that.

I am a work in progress. Slow and steady wins my game.