Sticking to the Point

A week in photos

I don't quite know how I've become a random blogger. I used to be consistently present. I had posts in my queue, I was chomping at the bit.

Suddenly, life has gotten in the way of my favorite time suck past-time, which is all together, a good thing.

Almost daily, I'm composing posts in my head. I'll have something I want to share, in just a minute. Suddenly it's 10pm and the alarm is set for 6:20am. If get into anything other than bed, I'll be doomed.

Despite my lack of appearance around here, I have been taking a photo a day, (even if my lovely camera was delivered this morning to Melville, NY, sniff), which will be a nice way to catch up visually.

Last Sunday morning, M dropped Nina and HPD at the airport and I got ready for our last, big derby game. A great game (we won!) made even better by H-girl's appearance as a guest ref.

see that super cute necklace H has on? she made me a matching one for mother's day.

I've been super busy at work, yay me! As a sole practitioner, I am a healer and a business owner. Not always the best combination. My business marketing efforts are minimal at best, but that's even over-stating it.

I'm a listed acupuncturist with many different insurance companies, free advertising as far as I'm concerned. And I have my office in a wellness center which invites a constant flow of like-minded individuals; my brochure is next to the elevator in a prime location. This is it.

I'm grateful for referrals, but I also work really hard at manifesting what I want for my practice. Trust me, I'm the first person to roll my eyes at tree hugger manifestos. With my work, if my intention isn't there, neither are the patients. My daily wishes are recorded in my wish book and it has made a difference.

I've gone back to the gym. Talking the talk this time, I didn't let being sick way lay my routine. It's brilliant, the way I feel from exercising and being strong. I can't stop looking at myself.

Is it wrong to love Target as much as I do?

Like a deer caught in headlights, I am so awkward when I have to appear in public. This morning there was a health and wellness expo at my gym. I thought it was a good marketing idea.

When I arrived, it was clear to me, that I sabotage myself.  My display was spartan, I didn't feel completely prepared.*  It worked out fine in the end, but here is my lesson. I've got a list of items that I need to take care of, systems really, that will help me be prepared and professional.

That brings us up to date. I'm hosting bookclub tonight, we read Divisadero. Tomorrow is Friday Love and photobooth strips, but I'm busy at work and probably won't get back here until the weekend.

Smooches.

*The other acupuncturist at the expo, is someone I went to school with and we're friendly. She had a big herbal display and I know for a fact, that she didn't study herbs. Which chafes me, I have to admit. I studied ridiculously hard to be both an acupuncturist and herbalist and because there's no licensing on herbs in this country, herbal medicine is a supplement and anyone that wants to, can call themselves an herbalist.

 

Today

I didn't mean to be away this week. I've been looking for a way to put all the words and thoughts, ideas and images into focus and something concrete. Until then.

Monday mash-up

I thought I'd try something new; a way to catch up on the random. A mash-up for Monday's, because lord knows I love a good mash-up.

• The coffee-tea party on Sunday was a lot of fun. Rachel, Susanna and Bella made it; U.U. and Mo, you were missed! Strawberry cupcakes and fiber bars aka f-bombs; cucumber sandwiches and a  good cream Gorgonzola. We had other delicious nibbles, good conversation on a wide array of topics and an easy, creative spirit that circled us. I felt inspired after they left, I rushed them out the door because I had practice, leaving me  with a desire to get together again. Very soon.

• Roller derby. I'm helping out with H-girl's game on Saturday,  and Sunday, my own league has its season opener.
• Speaking of rollerskating, I figured out the cause of last Fall's sciatic-ass. It's not skating. It's the standing around in skates as opposed to rolling around, that causes the pain. The too-small speed skates that I wore last season, because I thought my cheapo-s weren't good enough, didn't help. 
• Skating has always been a favorite outdoor activity. Growing up, I had roller skates and skated my way up and down the strand, year round. When roller skates were no longer fashionable and blades were the way to roll, I got myself a pair and enjoyed many years of skating the loop in Central Park. Closed to traffic on the weekend and after 10am weekdays, the loop is a little slice of paradise in the most urban of environments. I'd have my music (at the time it was a walkman), and I'd be transported.
• Finally, finally, cleaning up my work space. It's far from perfect but enough already! I'm done with procrastination and the mind-set that it needs to be the 'right' environment. As if I'd even know what the right set-up is, I haven't even worked there yet.

• Working the Artist Way. Doing this for a second time, directly on the heels of the first round, has been so good for me. I still have no definition of myself as an artist, but I'm cool with being unclear and riding the ride until I figure it out.

Wellness Wednesday :: taking care of business

About mid-October I began to really take a look at myself and I didn't like what I saw. My skin was a mess. I'd gained weight and I'd stopped exercising. Wallowing in self-pity, it took until the end of October and a ridiculous binge on Halloween candy, for me to make a commitment to change.

I began to eat better. I changed my eating habits so that I wouldn't have to torture myself with dieting any longer. Because I've been injured and not skating, I joined a gym, rehabing my injuries and working to get back into shape. I researched skin care lines, finding one that works best with my combination skin.

I threw out old makeup and I went through my closet, cleaning out items that no longer fit or suit me. I made a commitment to make regular waxing appointments and to dye my hair.

Nothing on the outside will shine if the interior is dusty. I began to work on myself, whittling away at the crap cluttering my brain, so I could discover my core desires. By being honest with myself, I'm becoming clear with what I want in my relationships, both professionally and personally.

I've begun the Artists' Way with a friend far and a friend near. I want to realize my creativity and see where it takes me. I want to embrace the artistic side of me that I've let lie dormant for years. When I worked the Finding Water book, I discovered a love of photography. I'm curious and excited by the possibilities that this journey will discover.

I am impatient and struggle with frustration out of a desire for quick results. Any worthwhile change comes slowly - I didn't get to this point overnight, sometimes it's hard to remember that.

I am a work in progress. Slow and steady wins my game.

Done, done onto the next one...

Phew, what a month. I'm glad NaBloPoMo is over. The having to post every day is difficult and seems forced. I might also be cheating if I pre-post (which I do). Is it cheating if it's not a contest? I suppose like all cheating, I'm only cheating myself, but I'm ok with that, I really am.

The 7 truths and 1 white lie had 11 of you guessing correctly. Which makes me really happy, eleven is my favorite number. I like when things turn out like that, little signs.

1. It's true, I love candy. All of it.
2. I also love needle-y things. I love my job. And I love to sew, although I've been on a serious hiatus with my machine on the fritz.  I've got wonderful cottons piled and waiting to be made into p.j. bottoms, an old, frayed pair as my pattern. I have embroidery to finish and quilts to piece and a pile of mending hidden on the bottom. I'm hoping this holiday season, to get a sewing machine. (Even if I covet camera accessories.) I have one more tattoo I'd like to get and a few re-done while I'm at it.
3. I always wanted to live in New York. And I knew my husband was here. Many of my friends chalked it up to me being a little kooky.
4. I met M on a blind date, we were set-up by his assistant who was a fill-in at the restaurant where I worked part-time.
5. 15 months later we were married. J, the assistant who set us up, quit working for M soon after we began dating and we never talked to her again. She never responded to our wedding invitation and was one of the founding partners of Lets do Lunch. We saw her in all the local newspapers when the service first became available.
6. The un-truth. I didn't think I'd ever be a mother. I never had an overwhelming urge; I'm sure my childhood and lack of a mother, made it very hard for me to want any of that. M always said zero to one when we got married and I was fine with that. We got to know each other, traveled a lot, we had a great life. When we were married five years, we thought what if. We talked alot about what it would mean, was it what we wanted, what if? The one resounding answer we had during our discussions, what if we regretted not trying, (honestly, I didn't think I could get pregnant), what if when it wasn't possible to try, we were sorry? How lucky and blessed we truly are.  Miss A is the very best thing that happened to us.
7. Change is hard for me, even though my dreams are care-free.

I cut little strips of all your names

I had M pull one little strippy from a hat

drum roll......

   

Nicole is the winner!  That was fun.

Kristine, Mrs. G and Susannah were the first three commenters for the pay it forward game, please email me your snail mail addresses and a little treat will be on its way.

Reflections

As my 43rd (gulp) birthday fast approaches, I've been thinking a lot about my life.  I embrace three words, calm blue ocean, and I'm anything but. I'm anxious and a worrier, some call me high-strung. I drive aggressively and swear like a sailor. I'm also sensitive and intuitive and frequently ignore the value of these strengths.

Like Phil Connors, my issues are repetitive, my karmic lesson. Changing appearance, but never changing form. I try very hard to live without regrets, I believe in that half full cup. But I realized in the shower this morning, that it's just as wasteful of my short time here, to be consumed by what if.  What if my health...what if M... what if A... what if M and A...what if the plane...what if she thinks... what if.

As I was looking through the self-portrait submissions for this week, one portrait spoke of change, her words resonating long after I'd clicked away. I need to rid myself of the need to make things right. The co-dependent child who wants control, I try to fix situations and people, always hoping. I detest confrontation and the misplaced anger that I hold inside, festers and manifests in impatience and knee-jerk reactions. Instead of acknowledging the hurt, I push it aside. Just as I condemn M for playing the martyr, so do I drag my cross to bear.

As my 43rd birthday glitters on the horizon, I need to tend to me. I need to address my problems instead of hoping they'll go away. I need to stop avoiding,  I need to be able to let go.

I've lost sight of the part of me that I could identify anywhere. Like Phil Connors, I keep trying the same routine, the path of least resistance. The resistance comes from me, from not being able to embrace change, when change is what I need.

Random #2

* M is traveling this week, a return trip to Cali,  just girls in the house. Speaking of in the house...

* Luzie's here. We were expecting her this weekend, but her plans changed and it's nice to have someone else here while M is away.

* I love reading KC and JC's posts on  the word search that leads to their blogs.  Most search links in my stats are boring. A lot of tattoo searches find me especially ones with hip tattoo, aries tattoo and stars. 

* A few medical searches bring people my way: constant oozing from c-section incession (incision) is my personal, gross favorite. 

* I've had a number of hits this week for Sara Gruen percocet. Everyone I know whose read Water for Elephants has enjoyed the book so I don't see the connection between the author and percocet. Whatever.

* Two disturbing searches stand out this week:

1. she said come guys give me my panties back
2. percentage of girls who go commando

* A little freaky that these sentences lead to me. Note to self: no more talk of knickers or the lack there-of. Seriously wondering if the dude (because who else would search these words together?) ever found his answer.   

* Today we're going to the music store to rent a violin. My girl has been asking for music lessons, her desire to play every instrument narrowed down to the violin because she's too young to play clarinet. And I found a teacher that comes to the house; no carpooling, no driving 30 minutes for a 30 minute lesson.

* Tonight I'm going to Brooklyn to see Feist.

A little bit of this, a little bit of that #2

• I want to thank you all for the offers of venting when I mentioned last Friday my problem with a friend. I didn't take you up on the offer, not because I couldn't use a friend right now (I really can), but venting would be one-sided. It won't resolve the issue and I know I won't feel any better. I'm still unsure what I did wrong. I know I  said and wrote things that were misunderstood and it snowballed from there. Email sucks for that reason, so much can be misinterpreted and once it's out there, it's hard to go back from that, which is the point we're at. It feels like a break-up and I'm sad.

• The insurance company representing the building where my car was damaged has denied responsibility. Apparently this is standard practice with insurance companies, especially with a large claim. By denying responsibility, we have to claim this accident through our own personal insurance, pay the deductible and then let the insurance companies hash it out. Supposedly once they settle we'll get our deductible back, but who has that kind of cash laying about? Not to mention when we go to sell the car, this accident will come up in the car history and the value automatically depreciates. It sucks for us since the car was in perfect condition with very low mileage. Not to mention the rental car that the building owner offered isn't happening unless we want to shell out our own money for that as well and then submit it as an additional expense. Shame on them.

• The worst part of that whole Sunday for me, was not being able to hang with H-girl. I so needed to spend some time with her and her wisdom. H says it like it is and I trust her. We always have a good time and I feel cheated that we didn't get that.

• In nine days, miss A turns six years old. Her birthday party is this Sunday and the theme is High School Musical. Instead of a big sheet cake that never gets eaten, I'm going to make red velvet cupcakes (not this recipe, just liked that these cupcakes look like what I'm planning) with buttercream frosting. A has been obsessed with treasure hunts and wants to have one with a few friends on her birthday. Because we're flying to San Francisco at the crack of dawn on the 31st, I'm going to have the treasure hunt the day before her birthday, a dinner party playdate for A and three five of her friends. Instead of more cupcakes (she'll have those for the class party at school on her actual birthday), I'd love for the last treasure to be their sweet treat. Any ideas??