Sticking to the Point

Create a Connection: getting to know you #7

This is Paintergirl's last week hosting Getting to Know You day. This week PG looks to the famous and sublime and offers, the Proust questionaire.

YOUR MOST MARKED CHARACTERISTIC. loyalty

THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A MAN. integrity

THE QUALITY YOU MOST LIKE IN A WOMAN. sincerity

WHAT DO YOU MOST VALUE IN FRIENDS? non-conformity

WHAT IS YOUR PRINCIPLE DEFECT? a picker in all of its forms

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE OCCUPATION? sticking people

WHAT IS YOUR DREAM OF HAPPINESS? finding it from within

WHAT TO YOUR MIND WOULD BE THE GREATEST OF MISFORTUNES?  to regret something you haven't done

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE? what i am

IN WHAT COUNTRY WOULD YOU LIKE TO LIVE? a nomad in my heart and mind, there's no place like home

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE COLOR? purple

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE FLOWER? peonies

WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE BIRD? cardinals

WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE POETS? mary oliver and sharon olds

WHO IS YOUR FAVORITE HERO OF FICTION?  homer wells

WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE HEROINES OF FICTION? mrs. brown, clarissa and virginia

WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE COMPOSERS? ennio morricone and philip glass

WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE PAINTERS? rothko, ryman and vermeer

WHO ARE YOUR HEROES IN REAL LIFE? single mothers

WHO ARE YOUR FAVORITE HEROINES IN HISTORY? clara barton

WHAT ARE YOUR FAVORITE NAMES? my girl's name is perfect. i'm also quite fond of enzo, violet, coco and camille

WHAT IS IT YOU MOST DISLIKE? dishonesty

WHAT HISTORICAL FIGURES DO YOU MOST DESPISE? i think our current big man is doing a fine job holding this position

WHAT EVENT IN MILITARY HISTORY DO YOU MOST ADMIRE? german surrender in 1945

WHAT REFORM DO MOST ADMIRE? i'd like to say the end of child labor, but then that hasn't really happened has it?

WHAT NATURAL GIFT WOULD YOU MOST LIKE TO POSSESS? the ability to sing

HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO DIE? very, very old and in my sleep

WHAT IS YOUR PRESENT STATE OF MIND?  lucid

TO WHAT FAULTS DO YOU FEEL MOST INDULGENT? the faults of loved ones

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? it is what it is

Create a Connection: getting to know you #6

This week over at Create a Connection, Paintergirl asks,

If you could have a redo moment in your life, would you do it and what would it be?

(Not changing history drastically-it's all just a what if.  For example-would you have waited to get married later. Would you have had your children at an earlier age. Not have dated that strange girl/guy back in 11th grade.)

I thought a lot about this question in the past 24 hours, what would my re-do moment be? And the list began to roll...

Sitting down here this morning, I started to write about the times in my life I think I'd like to do over, like doing better in high school, or having my child earlier and then I paused. I don't think I'd do anything over, because even without a drastic change in history, I wouldn't be where I am now, today. And that isn't acceptable. For all my inner turmoil and angst, I like my life.

I would have liked to have done better in high school, who knows where that would have lead me. But then I might not be an acupuncturist or I might not have gone to art school. I think both experiences have given me a unique and well-balanced perspective on the world and I bring an artistic approach to my practice, especially when I combine herbs to make a formula.

And we wouldn't have miss A if we'd started trying for a baby earlier. That thought makes my breathe catch and my heart pound. Hopefully I'd have another child I'd adore, perhaps even two, which is the only reason I'd consider doing that part of my life over, (maybe we'd have another and another, a sister and a brother - name that tune), but not having this child, our girl, I don't want to think of a life like that.

is my answer.

Hope that I've made the right decisions, allowing me to guide my daughter in this world towards doing well in school and believing in herself. If she decides to go to art school, she'll be following a dream and not because it's her only option.

Create a Connection: getting to know you #5

Over at Create a Connection, Paintergirl asks this week,

'if you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? you'd be able to do what you love and make money. Your spouse, significant other, child, pets, et al would be able to accompany you.'

I would choose the dump*, as we so fondly call Amsterdam, in this house. Before you start thinking, 'how predictable Kiki', let me explain.

I adore the architecture and the city layout. The homes lean forward so furniture can be brought to the top floors of the canal homes via the windows. Incredible iron work on the balconies, door handles and window grills, detailed brick work on the facades, the old pressed glass windows, wavy as the light bounces off the surface.

The canals are incredible. Each with its own distinct feel in the surrounding neighborhood.  I love those bicycles. Cars aren't necessary; you can get to most places within the city limits by foot and if not, there's always a streetcar. Most Amsterdammers speak English; we'd adapt very easily and hopefully we'd even learn to speak Dutch.

Delicious Rijsttafel and brown cafes, I love the open air markets where you can find just about anything to delight your palate.

Being able to visit the Vermeers at The Stedelijk. Being able to stop by Rembrandt House and study etchings. The small galleries and shops that house local artists, I've barely skimmed the surface of what's to be found. The best button shop ever.

There are many flights to and from the US so we'd be able to get home and have family visit. Trains to Paris, a short flight to England, we could go to Brussels for lunch and beer.  Travel from Amsterdam would be easy and accessible and we'd both be able to work. We'd expose our girl to another lifestyle and culture, I think we'd have a very nice life indeed.

*We started calling Amsterdam the dump on one of our visits, because it's anything but. It's one of the loveliest cities we've stayed in and I'm quite sure the name has retained it's humor for us, conceived as it was in a coffee house.

Create a Connection: getting to know you

Over at Create a Connection, paintergirl is hosting getting to know you day. PG is one of the first blogs I ever started reading. She's smart, funny and has an interesting take on this life we're living (read I totally agree).

This week PG asks, 'I want to know what book, movie and song not only changed your life, but also changed the way you thought about the medium. It could have been when you were a child or a teenager or just last week. Anytime in your life.'

The book. I've been a voracious reader all my life. Many books have moved and inspired me, resonating long after I've closed the pages. If you're curious, look on my sidebar under the amazing heading. When I saw PG's questions, immediately I thought of  The Hours by Michael Cunningham.

I had this book in my pile to read for a number of years and initially, I didn't get it. Why had this book won a coveted prize? While pregnant and on bed rest, this book finally made its way into my life. Interwining the lives of three women, Virginia Wolf, 1950's Laura Brown and modern day Clarissa Vaughan, Cunningham seamlessly weaves the story of three women whose lives are in turmoil and in turn, how each woman saves herself. I think of this story as a circle. On the outside we see the three women and their connection isn't clear. Funneling inward, the connection becomes tighter and more intricate, arriving at the very center, barely able to breathe. The story of Laura Brown and her impact still resonates with me, years later. The ending took me by suprise because I'm thick like that. Perhaps it was because I was pregnant, perhaps it's the story of my own relationship with my mom and her decisions that made the ending of this book shatter my heart with understanding.

The movie. Being visual, movies stimulate me and yet, I'm a big fan of movies with no substance. Make me laugh, cry or captivate me or and I'm a fan.

The first movie that I felt an impact (read I was stunned and shocked and zombie-like afterwards) was Tommy. I don't recall who I saw the movie with, but I was there without an adult, thirteen, and highly impressionable. Snakes writhing, weird, sadistic parents and the deaf, dumb and blind kid, I felt the same when I left that theatre. I don't think I really understood all that I saw, but I still get queasy when I watch the movie or hear the music. M has a tradition of playing The Who every Thanksgiving in honor of missing the concert when he was thirteen and too young to go into Manhattan at night by himself.

If we're going to talk about a modern day movie that made an impact, than this film is the one. Miranda July is my new hero and I'm all a twitter to hear her read in a few weeks. Be still my heart.

The music. Growing up with a very young father, (just 22 years old when I was born in 1964), much of the music I heard growing up, was influential. The Beatles and The Rolling Stones were played frequently in our home; I remember I loved to look at the cover art for Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band and play with the zipper on the Rolling Stones. This music was my dad's music and while I can enjoy the songs and sing along, it's not mine. Being an impressionable youth in the early 70's, the music that influenced me the most retains a high cheese factor. An early favorite was Olivia Newton-John, her music made me feel mellow but I wouldn't call it influential. The music that set my rock n' roll soul on fire, had me lip-synching in the mirror with my dad's round brush again and again, was ELO. My poor sister was my back-up singer, she had to come out from behind me with jazz hands for all of the harmonies. If you remember this song, you can get a good visual of what that looked like, even better when my sister's best friend was over and they could shoot out on either side. Good times peeps, good times.

A Journal Swap and 5 more questions

Over at Create a Connection the swap for April was journals. I was delighted when my package arrived from Vicki on Friday. Beautifully wrapped, I was careful to open the package. Notice the moo card/rose tag and also the hand-made tag on the outside.

Inside the cool zebra wrapping, more treasures awaited. There was this card

inside this envelope

Here's the journal, pretty nice right?

Many of the inside pages are adorned as well and in the back of the book, there was a cool rectangular card and envelope. So many treats, I can't thank Vicki enough. Swaps are fun!

~~~~~~~

Deb offered 5 questions and never one to pass up a good meme, I asked to play.

You've been told that you must leave the country and live abroad for exactly one year, but you have your choice of any other country in the world to live during that time. Where would you go for a year and why?

Immediately I thought I'd go live in Italy, because what would suck about that? But then practicality set in and I realized this is an opportunity so instead I'm choosing China. I'd go live in Bejing and I'd find myself a mentor to shadow for a year to learn acupuncture and Chinese herbal medicine. I'm dying to see the Great Wall and I'd also get to honor my dream of visiting Vietnam and Cambodia.

If you could briefly go back in time and give a bit of advice to your younger self, what age would 'you' visit and what would you tell this younger version of yourself?

This one is really hard to write. I feel ashamed to share here but since I always do so with honesty, here goes. I'd go back to visit my teen-aged self. The girl who gave herself physically, without much self respect or self love, because she was desperate for just that. The girl who ditched school and didn't try, punishing herself because she couldn't punish anyone else in a life that was clearly out of control. I'd tell myself that loving yourself is the only way you'll be able to love someone else. That sex doesn't equal love and that going to school and getting a good education is the way to freedom.

When I say the word 'exhilerating' what's the first thing you think of?

Experiencing the unknown.

A mysterious benefactor offers to give you a million after-tax dollars if you'll go out right this minute, with absolutely no further thought or planning and get a new tattoo. Would you do it, and if you so, what would you get and where?

Of course I'd get a new tattoo! I'm also embarrassed to admit this one, but I really love Angelina Jolie's global coordinates tattoo. I'd get the global coordinates of the Marais in Paris (that's where miss A was conceived). The tattoo would be sepia-colored ink, on my lower right leg, above the orange aries symbol, blue star and purple Chinese character.

What's something about being a mother that's completely different (for better or worse!) than you imagined it would be before you had miss A?

I had no clue that being the mama is all encompassing. I've got a great partner in M. He's a very hands-on Daddy and from the time our girl was 3 weeks old, I was back at school finishing my intern shifts in the clinic and he was daddy-on-duty every Saturday. Even to this day, I work most Saturday's and he's in charge without a word.

But at the end of the day, it's all about mama and that was very hard to get used to. As the mama I'm the one that stays home from work when A is sick. If M has something unexpected with work or travel, I make arrangements for a sitter, or I change my plans. Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for this role, I wouldn't have it any other way, but it took some getting used to.

In all honesty, those first three months of A's life were really hard on me. If I'm going to be really, really honest, I'd have to admit that there were times I devised my exit plan. Because if I was going to have to be the one anyway, than why not do it 24/7. I planned on usin my 401k earnings as our escape money, to get us the hell out of there and I planned where we'd live and what I'd do for work. Those were some dark times friends. Post-partum depression does some fucked up things to your brain. Thankfully I never acted on those impulses and now my 401k earnings really are a nest egg.

Create a Connection: childhood memories

This week over at Create a Connection, the questions center on childhood memories. Most of memories have been blocked out, thankfully my psyche knew how to preserve my little self and the bad is gone. But it wasn't all bad and these questions focus on the good, so here you go.

what was your favorite childhood vacation? where did you go and what do you remember most about your trip? My favorite childhood vacation was ironically, with a neighbor. Growing up my neighbor was an only child and she was able to invite a friend (that would be me) on vacation with them so she'd have someone along. I'm quite certain this will be our fate as well, but I digress. One summer I was invited along for a two week camping trip in the High Sierras. I remember my friend and I were quite cruel to her mom. We made fun of her tampons, asking if we could use her 'straws' to drink our beverages. We also made fun of her nude sunbathing, commenting that her small breasts looked like fried eggs. Karma has struck me with a set of my own fried eggs, a lesson to remember. Don't make fun of what you fear.

if you knew your grandparents, what do you remember most about them as  child? My sister and I spent a month every summer with our grandparents in Reno, NV. My memories of those vacations include: swimming in the pool across the street from their apartment, my eyes burning from the chlorine. Cocktail hour beginning at 4pm with peanuts and nibbles and the maraschino cherry soaked in bourbon, just for me. During dinner we'd watch Lawrence Welk  and afterwards, we'd pile into their 1970's yellow Dodge Dart with the black hard top and squeal with delight as we slid side-to-side in the back. We'd either go to the park to listen to the oompa-pa bands or we'd go to the casinos, where grandma and grandpa would deposit us in the arcade with a roll of silver dollars. Um, how wrong are so many of these memories? Cocktail hour? Driving the kiddies after cocktail hour? Leaving us unattended in the casino, with me, the eight year old, in charge?  Dysfunction much?

do you have siblings? what do you remember about growing up with them? I have one sister who is 19 months younger than me. My prevailing memory is of my sister always tagging along, always wanting to be included and me trying my best to lose her. When that didn't work, I'd clobber the crap out of her, day in and out. Now were thick as thieves but growing up, our mission in life was to cream one another and it's a wonder that 1) our parents didn't kill us or go crazy and 2) that we're close friends today.

what did you like best about summer vacation from school? I remember my kindegarten teacher telling us about summer vacation and how it was a time to relax, read books and just enjoy yourself. I remember visualizing myself lying on top of my bed with the window open and a cool breeze billowing the curtain into the room. Psyche! I can't remember what we did when we were young during the summers, I imagine we were shooed outside to play in the neighborhood. During high school I spent my summers on the beach, rollerskating up and down the strand in my tiny bikini. Such chutzpah I had in those days!

did you like or dislike school? what is your most memorable moment from school? I think I liked elementary school but didn't like middle or high school. I had a troubled childhood and acted out by acting up. During highschool I screwed up terribly during my freshman year and was called into the office at the beginning of sophmore year (with my dad) and was told I wouldn't graduate if I kept things up. Scared straight, I began to get good grades, stopped ditching and had to attend summer school for two consecutive years. If only I'd realized how important school was! Hindsight being what it is, at least I made good during undergrad and graduate school.

Create a Connection: getting to know you.4

Over at Create a Connection, it's Jana's last week as guest host for getting to know you day. This week she asks:

Q. I'm eating a leftover hamburger (w/mayo, on wheat bread) and sautéd zucchini as I type this. What did YOU eat last? Breakfast today is cottage cheese, banana and avocado. Sounds very 1950's I'm on a diet, I know. One serving of cottage cheese contains 11g. of protein and protein is what I need to feel my best.

Q. I am totally head-over-heels for a very tall man named James, who has a very sexy new haircut (picked out by me, of course! lol)  What about YOUR love life? Anyone special? Tell us about him/her!  I met M on a blind date 12 years ago this June. We married 15 months later. We've had a lot happen in our years together, ups and downs that have made us stronger as a couple. I feel more in love and committed to M and feel excited for our future.

I live in a little house, with lots of trees, on a dead-end street. What is it like where you live? We live on a dead-end street, surrounded by a golf course. A bedroom community to NYC, our home was built in the 1930's and has retained many of the charming decorative details from that era. Our town is built up against a 2300 acre nature preserve and we're blessed to have the woods and all of the animals that live there in our backyard, sometimes literally.

Q. I love my hair, and my cute wittle nose.  What are YOUR favorite features about yourself? Unfortunately I'm one of those women that NEEDS a good grip on herself because I often throw myself under the bus, especially on how I look. Today this question is hard to answer (not fishing here, really) so I'll go with my eyelashes and eyebrows.

Q. Today, I pondered about the need for mentoring in young women's lives.  What deep thoughts have YOU been pondering upon? Today I'm pondering  Jen's post on the homeless and mentally ill.

Q. I love cheese (cubed colby & montery jack) and green growing things! List 2 random things you love in life:  I love glitter, especially in makeup and I love pesto. How's that for random?

Q. I found CAC through Melba, who I found through A Mindful Life, which I stumbled on by doing a random search for Buddhist blogs, for no apparent reason! How did YOU find out about CAC?  I found CAC by reading Melba's blog.

Q. I absolutely *heart* thunderstorms! What do YOU love most about spring? I love seeing the first hints of green on the trees and plants. I love that each day there's a little more light. I love packing away the winter clothes and unpacking clothes I haven't seen in months, everything is fresh and cute again!

Vanessa tagged me so here are 5 more things:

1. The birthday party was a smashing success. What's not to love as you dive down the 10' high, inflatable slide or hop down a trampoline strip that deposits you into a pit of foamy blocks. There was a rope swing and a parachute with a hole in the top; all the kids inside like a big Hershey's kiss with miss A sticking out the top. Red velvet cupcakes and presents from friends, A's favorite a black lab Webkinz named Coco.
2. Our trip to Cali. We fly Saturday to San Francisco and then Tuesday down to Los Angeles for 5 days with my dad. I haven't been in San Francisco since I was pregnant with our girl and I'm all a twitter with excitement.
3. I've been thinking about my mom a lot lately, it will be the year anniversary of her death at the end of April. My heart hurts as I write this because I regret that I didn't reach out to her, that I couldn't forgive again. I feel responsible and I know I shouldn't. Sometimes I'm overwhelmed with trying to make things right, especially things I can't.
4. I feel more like myself and now realize that I get depressed in the winter. I'm going to try to make a plan so next year I'm more prepared.
5. I feel happy and hopeful. Despite the darkness that looms inside, I am consciously choosing light. I'm not looking large right now, which can be overwhelming. Instead I'm focusing small, stopping to notice the buds on the leaves and delighting in my daughter's excited vibration when she talks about her fast-approaching birthday. Life is good.

Create A Connection: you, me and creativity

This week over at Create a Connection, Jana asked about you, me and creativity. Here's what she wants to know:

YOU choose what to tell me:

• list 3 random facts about you that we'll be entertained by.  I don't know how entertaining my answers are but here goes......

1. I can't stand close-up pictures of hair. You know the ones in magazines and on the tube, where the hair shaft is shown in macro, each flake of the hair magnified so I gag.  It's not limited to hair close-ups; anything with that flaky, web-like quality, makes me uncomfortable (think honeycomb or even the web-like striation that you'll see in a raw chicken breast.)
2. I'm slightly ambidextrous. I'm right-hand dominant but I brush my teeth, tie my shoes and use the computer mouse with my left-hand.
3. I know the words to most songs on the radio, even if I don't like the song.

• list 2 things about you that are important for us to know

1. I'm a loyal friend and always keep secrets.
2. You can bribe me with a frozen margarita.

Tell ME/Jana the answers to these questions:

• do you like board games? what are your favorites?

I do like board games although it's been a long time since I've played adult versions. I really like Monopoly Junior but A prefers Groovy Girl bingo. I have a great desire to learn to play mahjong. Does that even qualify?

what are your non-artistic hobbies?

I love to read, books soothe my soul. I adore roller derby  and skating, it's how I roll (hehe).

do you collect anything?

I collect teapots and chicken-related ephemera.

CREATIVITY

• what type of art do you enjoy creating most?

I love collage and do so mildly in my journal. More a  collection of information from magazines -  clothing ideas, new products and the occasional doodle.

• do you have a type of art you've always wanted to try, but never done? what is it?

I've always wanted to alter a book.

• do you have any art 'how to' sites that you would recommend? which ones?

I love kiddley although it looks like the site is going to be down for awhile. I also love instructables, you can learn to make and do anything your little heart desires. For inspiration, I love to look at what Soule mama and Keri Smith have going on. Soule mama has three young babes, home schools everyone and still has time for amazing creations, she's my mama hero while Keri Smith is someone who inspires me in my solo ventures.

Create a Connection: favorites

Over at Create a Connection, Jana asked for these favorites:

flower to look at: Orchids even though we've got a history.

feature of your favorite animal: On a kitty nose, there's that line between the nose color and where the fur starts, that's my favorite part, soft like velvet.

item in your kitchen: This question doesn't really work for me since the kitchen and I are not friends. I love our dishes but what I really love are the construction documents for our new kitchen, ground breaking in about two weeks.

item of comfy clothing: My Da-Nang cord cargo pants are my go-to outfit when I need comfort and style.

thing to receive in the mail: Surprise packages are the best, especially when they come from friends.

color on your favorite animal: Orange.

food to cook: Cheese fondue.

ringtone style: Forever a lover of the goth 80's, this song is my current ringtone.

wild animal: I wouldn't say I have any wild animal that's my favorite, but I do love looking at Bald Eagles in the zoo (even though they shouldn't be there).

outfit to dress a little girl in

fuck you weirdo perverts, looking for photos of little girls. shame on you.

things to do with snow: snowshoe

weather: I love the fog, especially when it lies low and makes the ground look like a Scooby Doo cartoon.

Create a Connection: getting to know you part deux

Over at Create a Connection, swampgrrl asked on Wednesday,

'here are questions to play around with micro-movements or big leaps:'

1a. What is one thing about your body that you hate, deny, talk trash about?

I hate my stomach. Oh I was a smug thing of 23 when I got my first tattoo, on my stomach. I even remember thinking, my stomach is so not my issue (shut-up booty), and I smugly knew my stomach would always be flat. Fast forward to a pregnancy gone wild with weight gain and flat tummy, be gone.

1b. What can you do to make friends with this part and show it a little love?

Tummy tuck, I've already set my appointment. kidding. Drinking the appropriate amount of water is one thing I can do to show my tummy some love. By being properly hydrated, I won't retain water and voila, an improvement.

2a. What is one thing about your home that doesn't feel good?

Papers, piles, clutter on every surface.

2b. What is one thing you can do to change that?

One pile, one room. (sung to the tune of no woman, no cry by bob marley). Seriously though, if I look at the clutter in its magnitude I'm overwhelmed and become inert. By tackling the piles room by room, the task becomes manageable.

3a. Is there a relationship that you have difficulty with? There is.

3b. What is something small you can do to either salvage it or come to terms with the way it is now? 

I'm working on that with the morning pages on the Finding Water journey.

4a. Is there something you are afraid to do, but would like to try it? 

I can realize my potential with my acupuncture practice.

4b. What can you do to begin a plan to try it?

I watched The Secret recently and I'm working with the laws of attraction on this one.