Sticking to the Point

In this house that I call home

I've moved house.  Please email me at: acukiki(at)gmail(dot)com for directions.

Wellness Wednesday :: when it's time to change

Big changes are coming around here, based on finding this yesterday.  I left a comment telling the blog owner he/she should take down my photo. That it was a stolen image.

I've removed the post from my own blog, in hopes that no one will be able to hijack the photo again. I'm hoping the blog author will do the right thing. If not, I'm hoping to shame the blog author into doing the right thing.

Check back tomorrow to see what changes are taking place.

edited to add: I'm blown away by the kindness that exists in this blog-o-sphere. I received a very nice email from the blog host who said he'd give me photographic credit and the photo could remain or it would just be removed as I asked. He's a good egg.

Show n' Tell

Today at noon, I'll walk into Miss A's school, as show n' tell.

The obvious topic would be acupuncture.

Or possibly, photography.

Today at noon, I'll walk into Miss A's school as a roller derby referee.

I've got my skate bag and my zebra shirt and a printed diagram of how the game is played.

I'll talk about the skaters and the refs and what we all do.

I'll use words like strong and athletic.

And hopefully, what the kiddies will take away from A's show n' tell today, is the belief that they can do anything, be anything that they desire.

That gender doesn't define what you do with your life.

That just because you're grown-up, you can still follow your dreams.

Today at noon, I'll walk into Miss A's school as show n' tell.

Today, I'm proud.

Monday Mash-up no. 3

Reading :: The Gathering. I am a sucker for any story set in Ireland, even if it's not so great.
 

Listening :: I'm loving this new girl, Kerli.

Speaking of listening, I've got a date tonight with U.U. at the Bowery Ballroom.

Wearing :: A new top from Free People, bought a few months back,

and its been beckoning from my closet ever since. Saturday was Miss A's school fair. Perfect weather to be outside, perfect weather for a cute top.

Looking :: With my recent acquisition of 600 film, I allowed myself to blow through 3 packs, pronto. It's been awhile and I needed to get myself re-acquainted.

It's Friday Love #105

Photo booth Friday. Otto's Shrunken Head, NYC.
The last of my strips with Nicole. Time for some booth-in' and it's always better when I'm not alone. Yes, that's a hint. And all you party peeps heading to SF in July, get ready for some boothy love.

The little stuff.

• Embarrassingly, I'm new to Greek yogurt. With a ridiculous amount of protein, I may have uncovered my super food.
• It's official. My derby league has merged with another derby league. Much closer, (5 miles vs. 30), and hopefully with us in the mix, much better.
• My poor camera is in the shop, received by Nikon early this week. I sent a very detailed letter. The updates show a very different problem found. Covered by warranty, I felt hopeful, until the latest update: Parts hold is not encouraging.
• As a diversion, I got my hands on some Polaroid film.

• The divine Miss A. Mother's Day deliciousness from my girl. This is my card,

and this is the coupon book,

good for:

packing my backpack

kisses

brushing my hair

hugs

being nice

Wellness Wednesday :: no. 77

Last summer when I wrote the list, no. 77 was a wish item; one of the things you really hope to get done, but you're not certain.

Crossing this off the list less than a year later, is titillating.

When people notice, I'm not modest.  Just delighted.

lalalalala

This is my brain when I sit down to write here.

I want to write and say hello.

So much is going on.

But then I sit down here and I start to write,

and the words on the screen feel flat.

Because a full life, isn't always the most interesting spelled out.

And just because there isn't drama or intensity, doesn't mean it isn't good.

Until now, I didn't get that.

That the sparkle and flair can come from simplicity.

The beauty in that, makes me weepy.

That this is enough is remarkable.

I am content.

So it begins

After life in the city, you have expectations about car services. As in, there's always a car or taxi. In our neck of the woods, we've had 'issue' with our local choices, the car arriving 15 minutes early is a good sign.

M was yukoned off to JFK, boarding a flight to London, (and other cities in Europe), gone for the next 8 days. Normally I take the business travel in stride. Sometimes I look forward to the time alone, absence making the heart grow fonder and all. This time, I felt a little sick to my stomach when I had to say goodbye.

My OCD comes out when I'm single parenting. I have these rituals that I perform every night while M's away. When a co-worker commented that I should have some hypno-therapy (this is her speciality) to release these fears, I realized that 1) some things are better left to myself and 2) I'm probably more fucked up than I realize. My ability to gloss things over startles me.

I've always attributed this aspect of myself to 9-11. And it's true, after that day I became a more fear-filled person. Lately, I've been thinking that it's more than that.

By now you're probably wondering, what the hell is Kiki's ritual?

Instead of leaving my purse downstairs, I take it upstairs along with a set of car keys and my day planner. Normally all of these items are left on the first floor.

I have a bag where I keep all the important family papers: birth certificates, passports, important photos and the like. I pull this out, adding a pair of shoes, easy to slip into, and a sweatshirt.

I sleep in the guest room and I have A sleep with me. I never sleep on the 3rd floor where our bedroom is. It's on the back of the house, an amazing feature considering we butt up against a golf course, but it feels isolated. I can't hear anything from the street and I'm disconnected. And if there's ever a reason to leave in the middle of the night, 3 flights up is a long way down.

Clearly a woman with control issues, I worry about the what if's and this ritualizing helps me feel prepared. Certainly 9-11 contributed to paving my road to fearful. I have fears as a mama. The incredible vulnerability. The countless unknowns.

Therapy helped me through the crisis of my issues. Now abandonment and control are compounded into what if's. The recycling of my themes are more sophisticated, cloaked in ambiguity so I'm often surprised when I realize "oh, it's you again".

I'm less fearful than I was. I sleep more soundly and I'm not scared by every creak and sound when M is traveling.

Rationally I know that we are safe. My ritual seals the deal.

A week in photos

I don't quite know how I've become a random blogger. I used to be consistently present. I had posts in my queue, I was chomping at the bit.

Suddenly, life has gotten in the way of my favorite time suck past-time, which is all together, a good thing.

Almost daily, I'm composing posts in my head. I'll have something I want to share, in just a minute. Suddenly it's 10pm and the alarm is set for 6:20am. If get into anything other than bed, I'll be doomed.

Despite my lack of appearance around here, I have been taking a photo a day, (even if my lovely camera was delivered this morning to Melville, NY, sniff), which will be a nice way to catch up visually.

Last Sunday morning, M dropped Nina and HPD at the airport and I got ready for our last, big derby game. A great game (we won!) made even better by H-girl's appearance as a guest ref.

see that super cute necklace H has on? she made me a matching one for mother's day.

I've been super busy at work, yay me! As a sole practitioner, I am a healer and a business owner. Not always the best combination. My business marketing efforts are minimal at best, but that's even over-stating it.

I'm a listed acupuncturist with many different insurance companies, free advertising as far as I'm concerned. And I have my office in a wellness center which invites a constant flow of like-minded individuals; my brochure is next to the elevator in a prime location. This is it.

I'm grateful for referrals, but I also work really hard at manifesting what I want for my practice. Trust me, I'm the first person to roll my eyes at tree hugger manifestos. With my work, if my intention isn't there, neither are the patients. My daily wishes are recorded in my wish book and it has made a difference.

I've gone back to the gym. Talking the talk this time, I didn't let being sick way lay my routine. It's brilliant, the way I feel from exercising and being strong. I can't stop looking at myself.

Is it wrong to love Target as much as I do?

Like a deer caught in headlights, I am so awkward when I have to appear in public. This morning there was a health and wellness expo at my gym. I thought it was a good marketing idea.

When I arrived, it was clear to me, that I sabotage myself.  My display was spartan, I didn't feel completely prepared.*  It worked out fine in the end, but here is my lesson. I've got a list of items that I need to take care of, systems really, that will help me be prepared and professional.

That brings us up to date. I'm hosting bookclub tonight, we read Divisadero. Tomorrow is Friday Love and photobooth strips, but I'm busy at work and probably won't get back here until the weekend.

Smooches.

*The other acupuncturist at the expo, is someone I went to school with and we're friendly. She had a big herbal display and I know for a fact, that she didn't study herbs. Which chafes me, I have to admit. I studied ridiculously hard to be both an acupuncturist and herbalist and because there's no licensing on herbs in this country, herbal medicine is a supplement and anyone that wants to, can call themselves an herbalist.

 

What I did this weekend by Kiki

I arrive in Bear Mountain, NY early. A change in plans due to weather,

I pick Nina and HPD up Friday morning before work. Depositing them at home, I'm back hours later, someone small in tow, and we hang until M gets home.

As is our way, we have shopping to do, so Nina, HPD and I take off Friday evening for the mall. Planning to meet in one hour, we split ditch HPD and head off to Nordstrom. Nina and I are good at shopping together, something I don't take for granted. Normally I prefer to shop alone, (Nina's probably saying, of course she does), but we have similar shopping styles. Somewhat determined and focused, without a lot of lingering or waffling.

After working for a few hours Saturday morning, we take an afternoon train into Manhattan. I have a haircut appointment and we have plans later that evening for dinner. Leaving HPD on a corner, we head off for the East Village and a couple hours HPD-free.

We stop for a photo,

make-up,

and then we tried to meet-up with HPD, who allegedly had "cell phone issues" and was unavailable for almost 2 hours. Here's Neen annoyed, trying yet again to reach HPD on the phone.

We managed to entertain ourselves with coffee and a trip to the bookstore, eventually locating him in one of two bars M recommended.

Dinner reservations at 6pm turned into three rounds of margaritas with a little food. One might say, I drank my dinner. 

Drunk dialing began in earnest, as did bad decision-making, when I decided I too needed a nightcap.

It's a little fuzzy from the time we left the bar I have no idea where that bar actually is to us sitting on the train, but that's when my troubles began.

A happy drunk, I quickly realized I was in trouble.

"I need to get off the train. Right. Now."

"You'll be fine, Kiki"

"No, we need to take a car, I can't be on this train."

I have no recollection of how Nina convinced me to stay on the train, but we do.

At some point I began to feel hot and claustrophobic and decided the only solution was to remove my long-sleeved t-shirt. In my seat. There was a lot of shimming and I heard threads breaking as I removed a tight shirt, from the neck down.

Happy again, I decide we need photos, the last three photos my camera takes. In repose with a color issue, my camera is packed and ready to be sent to Nikon, in hopes that she can be fixed.

This photo is totally staged, although the level of intoxication is not. Just look at Nina's gaze drunken haze.

As you can see, the focus becomes unstable, so that the last photo, the best one, is a hand-shaking blur. That's HPD in the background. This picture sums it all up.

The rest of the evening quickly deteriorated. I began an earnest search for the train toilet so I can vomit, mumbling down the aisle that I'd reached a low-point as the only passenger on the train wearing a tank top in 40 degree weather. There are repeated visits to the skankiest bathroom imaginable, vomiting on the train tracks and also, at home.

The most remarkable thing about the whole evening? Waking up Sunday morning hang-over free. Really? How is that even possible?

The end.