Sticking to the Point

Express yourself

Dear driver of the black Honda,

There's a reason New Jersey has a reputation for shitty drivers...YOU! Seriously, what purpose does tailgating serve? Clearly  you saw cars in front of me, I had no where else I could physically go.

Perhaps I assume too much in that you were actually observing the flow of traffic in front of you.

Driving up my ass is not going to make me drive faster. In fact you may have noticed, I began to slow down; driving the actual speed limit, just so you'd get a taste of what slow actually feels like.

Continuing as you did, driving ridiculously close, did nothing to change my mind.

Stop behaving like a tool and we can resume a reasonable speed.

Thank you.

Self Portrait Challenge - absurd.4

It always feels a bit absurd, asking in a voice that dances with panic,

'Please, can I have gas?'

Looking a bit like an elephant without her trunk,

I suck in the sweet air and my anxiety disappears.

The last of the absurdities over here.

The last 4 days...

A weekend of late nights and roller derby, combined with pushing my body, it's no surprise that I ended up sick.

In complete denial, with a fever and raw throat, I went here,

and it was worth it. The venue was surprisingly fantastic. I'd heard about Webster Hall for years; first as a dance club past its prime, and then as a concert hall. Walking up the stairs, I thought how great it would be to have the opportunity, camera in hand, to be inside the hall during the day, capturing its turn of the century atmosphere.

I really enjoyed Kate Nash's show. She's effervescent and cheeky and a multi-talented musician. I loved that most of her songs, especially my favorite, were played at a faster tempo; it made the show less predictable. And I love that she closed with her first big hit, Foundations. I don't know what she played for encore, by that time I was delirious and aching, I needed home.

I ended up as you know, sickie sickerton, blessed by two friends that tag teamed my girl in a day she described as, 'the best day of my life' allowing me to spend the day like this,

watching a lot of television. I watched this and this, my regularly scheduled programming. I also watched a lot of this channel. Once there was nothing else to watch, I'm ashamed to admit, I became hooked on this.

More of the same on Friday,

I watched this and this (should I admit to this after admitting to liking the Kardashians?) and finally, I caught up on this.

Remarkably, I woke up on Saturday morning feeling like myself. I had a light day at work, received the best kind of mail love, (JC, you're the best),

and I took photos of my girl.

I was in love with my z-pack.

Perhaps I jumped the gun. Tonight my throat is so sore and raw, I'm so disappointed. I'm canceling all plans for tomorrow,  in hopes that this is temporary and I am indeed, on the mend.

Even though I've convinced myself I have strep, I'll know for certain on Monday. Until then. 

Sickie Sickerton

I started getting  a sore throat yesterday, I thought it was allergies. By the time I was getting ready to leave for the concert, I'd spiked a 101.5 fever. But I would be damned if I was going to miss this show, so I went.

Still sick and feverish this morning, I decided to go to the doctor, I was worried about strep.

Diagnosis: strep or mono.

Of course miss A's on spring break this week. How lucky that my two friends rallied and have taken my girl for the entire day, so I can lay in pools of sweat, watching reality TV.

Who ever wishes for strep? I certainly am.

Wellness Wednesday :: the seven deadly sins - workout edition

Because I'm all about lists lately and I'm on a trajectory with a healthier lifestyle.

1. Lust. There are times when I lust for material things that have no bearing on life. The desperate unrealistic want for something I don't have, my proverbial carrot. I want a consistent, dedicated workout partner, someone with similar goals. I want a personal trainer three times a week. The ability to hire outside food delivery would be fantastic; a few, healthful meals a week would rule. I want the extra money to buy cute workout clothes. I have cute workout clothes, but sometimes I want a selection of workout gear from the likes of  Lululemon, Hard Tail and Athleta.
2. Gluttony. As in, always hungry. My friend L likes to challenge me with change your life programs and I always take her bait. This time, I agreed to follow the 12 week Body for Life plan with the caveat, that I would not be following the diet.*  Realizing I need to workout more than the barely maintaining my weight three times a week routine I'd followed for years, something clicked with this program. On the heels of working out diligently is a fierce kind of hunger that's impossible to satiate.**
3. Greed. At first working out six days a week felt a little self-indulgent. Something has to give and so far, it hasn't been my sleep. This week miss A is off school for spring break, so it's evenings at the gym. M kept trying to convince me to watch The Last Waltz last night, I realize that I haven't been around so much.
4. Sloth. There is the desire, especially when the routine has to change and I have to go to the gym in the early AM or evening, to skip a day. Especially in the beginning. Now it feels more like a part of my day, something that I do without talking myself into it or bargaining.
5. Wrath. It's been six weeks and I see the tiniest of changes. I know it takes time for your body to adjust, usually six to eight weeks, but throwing a little bone one pack abs would be nice my way now and again would really boost the moral. I'm just sayin'.
6. Envy. Strong, well-defined shoulders.
7. Pride. Most days, I'm so proud of myself and I have a renewed sense of optimism in my life. Working out keeps the darkies at bay and it's really so empowering. I haven't been committed to myself like this, in forever. And the best part is being able to listen to my body. I know when I need to take a break because I'm tired, or I've binged on sugar (as I still do).  I don't throw in the towel. It doesn't have to be all or nothing. It just needs to be.

* structured, disciplined eating plans don't work for me. all i see is RESTRICTION. DENIAL. eventually i will binge and in a big, bad way. better for me to watch portion and mostly make good choices. moderation baby.

**this week is passover and being observant, i've noticed that i'm not so hungry all the time. i don't replace with kosher for passover foods, i just don't eat it. the obvious difference is the absence of simple carbs and processed baked deliciousness.

Monday Mash up #2 :: the evening edition

My mind is streaming with words. Ideas and thoughts that I think I'd like to share here; that is, until I sit down. Faced with a blank screen, I quickly click away. I search bloglines and flickr, hoping  to find my way to inspire a release. It feels like the floodgates are buckling; the pressure building. On closer examination, a false alarm.

I've been deliciously busy. On a rich, personal quest to connect with my potential, I've been working on mind, body and soul and I'm here to tell you, it's a fucking full-time job. I never knew I could be so high maintenance!

My inclination is to start list-making; my practical solution to most everything.

1. As much as I've cursed Google images for pillaging and pilfering my photos, I have to give thanks. Because of thievery, I sold my first photo today. It will be used as a stock image for a presentation by a major advertising agency in Boston and part of a DVD with distribution of fifty. Thankfully the mister works with photographer reps and we were able ask for a reasonable, market rate.
2. Because I take great strides to avoid my personal world colliding with my internet self, I won't link to the photo. If you want to see it, email me.
   
3. I'm planning to use the money I've earned towards a new lens. While I'd love to have this, I'll certainly be happy and whole with this.
4. I've struggled with calling myself a photographer for awhile; struggled with the idea of selling my photos and if they'd sell.
5. And speaking of calling myself a photographer, once and for all, I'm going to sign up for a proper photography class. Happy Mother's Day to me from M.
6. With my rigorous workout schedule, I've been doing a lot of i-Pod listening and I'm here to tell you,  my play lists are beat. I've uploaded and purchased, but I need more.Please tell me what you listen to when you want your heart to pump.
7. Thanks to Liv and Neen for the Glossimer suggestion, Eclipse is my new, go-to color. Again with the penny-saving,  I want to try this.

It's late and with my girl on Spring break this week, I need all the rest I can get. I agree that is ridiculously dramatic statement, but my spirited child easily wears me down and sleep deprivation heightens the prickles and hackles that rise with each whinge.

With that, I bid you my sweets, buona notte.

Sacred Life Sunday :: sister

Because our family is small, I whole-heartedly embrace and believe, that family doesn't have to be blood. Assuaging my guilt about raising an only child, perhaps. Feelings aside, the families that we're born to aren't always the family members we'd choose, given the choice.

How lovely that we're given the opportunity in this life to choose the friends that become your family; sisters who you connect to instantly. A friend that gets it about you from the start.

'we get to see each other more now because of derby, than we ever have...'

Lucky me.

shitty picture with the point and shoot but it makes me smile.

It's Friday Love #103

Photo booth Friday.

The little stuff.

• Taking cardio outside with a walk on Thursday, singing  out loud with the i-Pod.
• Losing my drivers license on that walk and finding good in the situation. At least it happened on a day when I was picking miss A up late I said to myself, and I let go of being angry. I collected my 6 points of identification, shoved my novel into my bag and went to the MVC, prepared. 20 minutes and eleven dollars later, I had my duplicate, stat.
• My new, wee friends from this sweet etsy shop.

• A weekend full of roller derby.
  

Today

I didn't mean to be away this week. I've been looking for a way to put all the words and thoughts, ideas and images into focus and something concrete. Until then.

Monday mash-up

I thought I'd try something new; a way to catch up on the random. A mash-up for Monday's, because lord knows I love a good mash-up.

• The coffee-tea party on Sunday was a lot of fun. Rachel, Susanna and Bella made it; U.U. and Mo, you were missed! Strawberry cupcakes and fiber bars aka f-bombs; cucumber sandwiches and a  good cream Gorgonzola. We had other delicious nibbles, good conversation on a wide array of topics and an easy, creative spirit that circled us. I felt inspired after they left, I rushed them out the door because I had practice, leaving me  with a desire to get together again. Very soon.

• Roller derby. I'm helping out with H-girl's game on Saturday,  and Sunday, my own league has its season opener.
• Speaking of rollerskating, I figured out the cause of last Fall's sciatic-ass. It's not skating. It's the standing around in skates as opposed to rolling around, that causes the pain. The too-small speed skates that I wore last season, because I thought my cheapo-s weren't good enough, didn't help. 
• Skating has always been a favorite outdoor activity. Growing up, I had roller skates and skated my way up and down the strand, year round. When roller skates were no longer fashionable and blades were the way to roll, I got myself a pair and enjoyed many years of skating the loop in Central Park. Closed to traffic on the weekend and after 10am weekdays, the loop is a little slice of paradise in the most urban of environments. I'd have my music (at the time it was a walkman), and I'd be transported.
• Finally, finally, cleaning up my work space. It's far from perfect but enough already! I'm done with procrastination and the mind-set that it needs to be the 'right' environment. As if I'd even know what the right set-up is, I haven't even worked there yet.

• Working the Artist Way. Doing this for a second time, directly on the heels of the first round, has been so good for me. I still have no definition of myself as an artist, but I'm cool with being unclear and riding the ride until I figure it out.